so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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