Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
