your thong is hanging out like whoa
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
