Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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