Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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