Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
