its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
