No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
