I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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