Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
