i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
