Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
