The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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