Already got asked if we're dating
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
