Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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