Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Operation Purity has been aborted
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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