dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
