then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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