I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
