i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
