Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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