Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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