I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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