I look better un-naked...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
