I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
