so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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