I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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