EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
