The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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