Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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