Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
