i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
