Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
