bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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