So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
