and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
