You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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