I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have feelings that need drinking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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