Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
