My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
