Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
