by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
