She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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