I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
