I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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