If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
