areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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