Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
