I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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