The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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